Forums of Filth

This is tough for me because I have never been able to stay sober and I have now reached my 1 year mark for not taking any pills, snorting anything, etc.

I have also reached my 6 month mark for not drinking and I feel good.

I just can't seem to handle the fact that this fucker just never leaves me alone. I've have never stayed sober for more then a few days at a time. Most of the time, I was a typical junkie and never really showed or talked about what I was doing.

I don't know why but I have been starting to struggle with it and I figure, getting out in the open will help.

I like drugs, I like my drink and I have functioned fine for more then 20+ years of doing it all. You just never stay happy unless your high and that is why I moved to Boise. I wanted to stay sober, get myself away from the temptations.

Now I work where that is all they talk about, drinkin', smokin' and my favorite of all, popping pills. Just makes my mouth water, you know what I mean.

The other day we were talking about acid and I got all excited, agitated and my mouth always start watering like a damn Pavlov Dog or something.

Well, thought I would share......

Congratulations on your milestone.

Ditto on the congratulations, Clark!

Clark,
Congrats on making it this far! It's a bitch, I know. Just keep strong & forcused on your goal of staying sober. After a while, you'll begin to realize that your overall quality of life is dramatically improved without those demons constantly as your wingman. Escapism can only get you so far.

This month, I hit my 14yr. mark since I quit drugs & I've never looked back.

Congrats Clark!!!! Don't let the temptations get to you!!! SLAY THE DRAGON!!!

shannon wrote:Clark,
Congrats on making it this far! It's a bitch, I know. Just keep strong & forcused on your goal of staying sober. After a while, you'll begin to realize that your overall quality of life is dramatically improved without those demons constantly as your wingman. Escapism can only get you so far.

This month, I hit my 14yr. mark since I quit drugs & I've never looked back.

Very true, buddy.

It's been years since I did anything trying to escape.

I just enjoy doing drugs and getting high. I think it has more to do with being insecure for sure.

What is wierd, is how it becomes your personality at times. I've been throw treatment before but all that did was cause me to relapse because I just couldnt' talk about drugs without using them. So I was kicked out nicely after showing up high too many times. I was a volunteer so now legal action followed.

Crazy.....

Damn. I didn't realize you were going through this (to this degree) but good for you, Clark. Beating down any habit is REALLY fucking hard to do. Hell, I haven't had a smoke after almost a year and half and it's still a battle at times but the sense of accomplishment (if not astonishment ) IS pretty awesome, isn't it?

Good luck, Clark!

Evil Red wrote:Damn. I didn't realize you were going through this (to this degree) but good for you, Clark. Beating down any habit is REALLY fucking hard to do. Hell, I haven't had a smoke after almost a year and half and it's still a battle at times but the sense of accomplishment (if not astonishment ) IS pretty awesome, isn't it?

Yeah, I've gone short times without using but never a full year, never 6 months, etc.


I've been sneaking booze since I was a kid, then came the pills, smokes, weed, etc.

Actually, weed wasn' the gateway drug, it was cigarettes and booze.

ahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Now, I need to keep it permenant. After my benders out here, I've learned that I have no control sometimes and well, it only takes one time to fuck up and go too far.

I am 138 wrote:Good luck, Clark!

Thanks buddy, it gets easier as time goes on.

I was watching the video from the Anniversay video and man, too think how many pills I ate, put up my nose, drank and then kept going. I was lost, nice mumbling and almost passing out during one song. No one caught it, though.

I know exactly what your goin though! I discovered this past weekend I too will be have to sober goin forward and as for the other stuff (<<< my biggest problem), I hear ya. I been doing the clean thing since late last year. What sucks is, i miss people that i used to hang out with and now I don't cuz I'm still not strong enough to hang out with them and say no. But one day I will

Keep up the fucking awesome job and now I have another person to look to for strength

You Rock Clark!!!

Oh man, I am having a rough week.

This shit just gets harder and harder. I'm going through mood swings like a mother fucker!

Since I have stopped drinking, my temper is just nasty. I am ready to snap on the second. Everything gets on my nerves, then I am all happy and then down again.

The mental strain is fucking a bitch and I really want to have a drink badly!!

I'm still happy to say that I have a house filled with pills and I have not even given it a real thought. Might not sound like much, normally, those pills would have been long gone.

So figured, it's best to keep talking about it openly. I have sought help but have not heard anything back yet. I know help usually costs a lot.

Keep it up big boy! Except for the occasional weekend show where I do not have to drive I rarely do anything.

I've heard about the annoying neighbors and such, but have you made any real friends over there that maybe are less or not into the party-ing thing that can help out?

Thank Chris, I will!!!

I have a few friends here. A couple that I work with, I have become close with them over the last 6 monthes and some of the neighborhood guys.

It's still gonna take time and I am not looking to replace the brothers I have already. ahahahahaaaaaaaaaa

It's just hard, going through stages, feeling desperate, getting down and just feeling that I am not going to do anything with my life over here.

I know that will change though, I just have to keep the battle going.

Clark Chaos wrote:

I know that will change though, I just have to keep the battle going.

~And you'll always have us.

Congrats on your sobriety, Clark. Be proud of it. I loved to drink, I loved to smoke, I loved to put shit up my nose and occasionally in my veins as well as our mutual favorite, popping pills. After three overdoses, I've been drug free for over 6 years now, and believe me, it gets easier as time goes by, but it's always a struggle. The first couple of years, for me, was one big rough clusterfuck of anger, guilt, frustration and uncertainty. Keep your head up, man, because life does get better.

Clark Chaos wrote:Oh man, I am having a rough week.

This shit just gets harder and harder. I'm going through mood swings like a mother fucker!

Since I have stopped drinking, my temper is just nasty. I am ready to snap on the second. Everything gets on my nerves, then I am all happy and then down again.

The mental strain is fucking a bitch and I really want to have a drink badly!!

I'm still happy to say that I have a house filled with pills and I have not even given it a real thought. Might not sound like much, normally, those pills would have been long gone.

So figured, it's best to keep talking about it openly. I have sought help but have not heard anything back yet. I know help usually costs a lot.

Zoloft is a wonderful thing Clarkie, helped me through the early part.

Props to you, Clark.

<--- Root Beer




.

Bloodiah wrote:Zoloft is a wonderful thing Clarkie, helped me through the early part.

Thanks Blood but I'm done with pills. I've done Zoloft, it's fun but I just can't do it.

Yeah, I suppose that would probably defeat the purpose...hmmm.