Hollywood Homicide... or is it just ME?

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Remo D
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Hollywood Homicide... or is it just ME?

Post by Remo D » Sat Jun 14, 2003 12:07 am

As I push forty, have I become an embittered old man? I just dumped on MATRIX RELOADED, but a lot of people like it. I dumped all over WRONG TURN, but it's got a pretty good reputation amongst fans if you look around...

Now, I'm not superstitious--I didn't wear green and sprinkle salt in each corner of my room this morning (folk remedy for good luck on Friday the 13th)--nope, just decided to give my wife a good birthday dinner/movie combo.

Hey, the dinner was fine: baby back ribs for her, angel hair pasta with garlic/parmesan meatballs for me. And I let her pick the movie, of course--without weighing in with critical commentary of any sort.

And considering how many movies I see on my own, I was in danger... there were no less than FOUR movies I'd already seen that she could have picked... MATRIX RELOADED, THE IN-LAWS, A MIGHTY WIND and IDENTITY ("if it's going to be one of those, pleeeeasse pick IDENTITY!" I prayed silently).

But no--we wound up seeing HOLLYWOOD HOMICIDE. Hey--it's Harrison Ford... right? And at least one critic liked it!

Oh, good Lord.... what a pile of steaming CRAP this thing was! Gee--a rap group gets gunned down! And a music-industry executive is behind it! And a crooked cop is helping him! (Hey, these aren't spoilers--they give this to YOU, if not the heroes, from the beginning!) This is nothing more than a DRAGNET/N.Y.P.D. BLUE plot of the week painfully stretched into a two-hour "celebrity" odd-couple-cop movie.

You can't point to any one actor or scene and identify what went wrong--sure, it's funny when a prostitute turns out to be Lou Diamond Phillips in drag. And it's funny when Harrison Ford winds up on a girly bike during the (endless) climactic chase.

But this thing has NO sense of pace. NO sense of urgency. NO sense of suspense. It seems to think we just want to tag along with Ford and Josh Hartnett as they go on and on and on with their jumbled lives and their constantly ringing cell phones.

Sure, there are cameos. Eric Idle is funny for the two or three seconds he's on screen. And Martin Landau shows up... to do virtually NOTHING. Lena Olin? Lolita Davidovich? Yeah, they're there, they're there...

Had to wake the wife up. Twice. Had to press an ice-cold Pepsi cup against my throat to wake MYSELF up (hell, SOMEBODY had to drive home).

But in all fairness, there were some people in the tiny crowd who actually seemed to be liking this...

So you tell me. Am I just too burned-out and embittered to be able to enjoy movies anymore? Or are these recent movies simply that bad?
My dog's breath smells like peanut butter...

...and I don't even have a dog!


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Kimberly
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Post by Kimberly » Sat Jun 14, 2003 4:43 am

You bitter old man!! :D

I won't go and see this movie because the bastards made it hell for me to not only TRY and make it into work on time but the fuckers also filmed in the complex I work in. Pricks fucking up my work week all those months ago...


PS... Over all it just looks like a shitty movie... :)

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Griff [Mola]
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Post by Griff [Mola] » Sat Jun 14, 2003 6:01 am

Don't worry Remo, even the commercials for this make it look utterly hopeless. I noticed that they withdrew the unfunny comedy-centric ads in favour of emphasizing the crime-thriller aspect of the flick - not a good sign. Yet another forgettable notch on Harrison's shit-belt, I guess.

I plan to stay clear.



P.S. Hey there Kimberly. Nice to see ya.

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ROBERT
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Cinemacide

Post by ROBERT » Sun Jun 15, 2003 2:21 am

Embittered oldman? No. Just developing an intolerance for lackluster shit. Wrong Turn is a horror film for 16yr old Buffy watching newbies who've never seen or heard of Texas Chainsaw. Hollywood Homicide is for tards or aged soccer moms who still harbour fantasies about Harrison Ford. At least Wrong Turn had a few things going for it. It actually kept you're attention. HH, doesn't even look good enough to be cable filler.
"I don't want to be called an "artist." "Acting like an "artist" is synonymous to acting like an asshole."

Asia Argento

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TheZoo
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Re: Cinemacide

Post by TheZoo » Tue Jun 17, 2003 9:37 am

Originally posted by ROBERT
Wrong Turn is a horror film for 16yr old Buffy watching newbies who've never seen or heard of Texas Chainsaw.



Ouch, that was a deep one. I loved Buffy, I am not 16, saw TCM forever ago, but still found Wrong Turn to be some what enjoyable and not only because of Eliza Dushku :rolleyes:

I guess i am a class act loser.


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FOG
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Post by FOG » Tue Jun 17, 2003 1:00 pm

I believe I got the green light from the old lady that we could leave about 15 minutes into this one.

After watching Bruce Allmighty, I knew I wouldnt be able to handle two more hours of boring "look whos in our movie" movies...

The first thing I noticed, was that the godamned cell phones were going off. I could undestand one ring, but they kept going off! like 4 times in the 15 minutes we were there! You dont go to a movie to hear people's annoying cellphone songs, not even Harrison Ford's! Thats why they ask you to turn it off before the movie starts!

Second, Ford wouldnt shutup about how he was a realtor on the side. Like that was clever!??!

People are ragging hard on Dumb and Dumberer, but it was lightyears ahead of this lame shit.
Let's ask him, what's the deal?

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Kimberly
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Post by Kimberly » Tue Jun 17, 2003 1:34 pm

I still say this movie looks so God awful just from the aray of assorted trailers out for this movie that portray it as like 100 different *types* of movie genre.


Fog threw out this random thought:

The first thing I noticed, was that the godamned cell phones were going off. I could undestand one ring, but they kept going off! like 4 times in the 15 minutes we were there! You dont go to a movie to hear people's annoying cellphone songs, not even Harrison Ford's! Thats why they ask you to turn it off before the movie starts!


No shit huh? It's as bad as people bringing their screaming kids/infants to movies... especially rated r movies... WTF!! Spend a few more bucks and get a God damn babysitter for crying out loud! People are so stupid sometimes and don't think. Wanna talk cell phones?! Try to greet a table that just got sat and you go over all happy and skippy and say hello and offer to start them off with something to drink... only to be fucking ignored or brushed away to come back when THEY are done with their call. Fuck that! Wanna be rude... I'll make you wait 20min before I come back to the fucking table... even if they are ready or not. Wanna make me wait and be rude like that... don't piss off a waitress... remember we handle your food... muhawhawhaw!!


PS... Member when there weren't any cell phones? What on earth did people do then?! However did they survive??? BTW... that's sarcasm :D


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