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Galaxina
by John Casper P. is your friend

Once every so often a film is made that is made so poorly, so badly it cannot be described. 18 years ago, one of those film's was made. GALAXINA is the worst piece of shit I've ever seen.

The now defunct CROWN INTERNATIONAL PICTURES was a staple of the eighties for bad yet sometimes entertaining cinema. They bought us some great teen sex comedies, anyone remember MY CHAUFFEUR with PENN&TELLER? It was actually a watchable and entertaining little film. GALAXINA however, is not.

The film could have been a 40 minute opus and than maybe it would have earned some redeeming value. It takes 30 minutes to give us a plot which is basically very simple. A bunch of SPACE POLICE are summoned 34 or so years in the future to capture the BLUE STAR (Da da da!!). In the meanwhile, Galaxina, a robot with programmed emotions (how original) falls in love with our Han Salo of low budget film making.

The effects are fun to watch and the Director of Photography is none other than Dean Cundy! Who wisely shot this film in reds and yellows as to not make the sets so conspicuously bad. The film is dark, really dark and at times it's hard to watch. It so badly wants to be a comedy but ends up being a nuisance. The jokes are bad, the acting sucks and the make up people were sleeping.

The use of a musical swap evey time the name BLUE STAR is heard (Da da da!) becomes stale the first time and than gets worse. The film lacks just about everything I learned in film school. There's no need for the mindless R rating, cut the film in 40 minutes, take out the 20 second boob sequence and you have a really, really long SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE sketch. Other than that, the film is a big piece of sleaze and it's not even meant to be.

Overall Rating: 0 stars