Occult Dimensions

"DIMENSIONES OCULTAS" 
AKA 
OCCULT DIMENSIONS

Director: Ruben Galindo Jr. 
1987 Spain Approx. 89 min. 
With: Jon Michael Bischof and Gabriela Hassel

Hey, don't get me wrong, it's not like I WANTED to hate this flick. It's just that no matter how hard I tried, and I DID try, I just couldn't find anything to like about it.

As the film opens we are introduced to Michael (Bischof) who, with his mom, has recently moved from Beverly Hills to Mexico(?), presumably to escape the indifference of an uninvolved father/husband.

It's Michael's 17th birthday and he and his friends celebrate by drinking alot, swearing alot, and saying things like "Bitchin" and "Be cool man" alot. All this under the not very watchful eyes of Michael's alcoholic mother. Later in the evening, Michael's buddies break out with a ouija board and talk him into helping to call forth the spirit of "Virgil" (What, you mean you didn't know the devils name was Virgil?), which they do. Virgil rudely possesses one of the young lads and shortly threafter begins to kill off, one by one, everybody who was present for the calling.

Before each murder Michael's eyes turn a dark shade of red and he has a vision detailing exactly what's going to happen next. Why? Apparently for some reason far to cosmic for us unedgumacated peons to grasp. This gift brings us to some truely hilarious scenes of Michael riding his bike around town clad only in his full body dinosaur P.J.'s and armed with only the grittiest of determination, trying to track down the possessed hoodlum (Who's identity is divulged halfway through the film, eliminating what little chance there was for any kind of suspense) and put a stop to all of his evil shenanigans.

The final good vs. evil showdown is about as exciting and involving as watching cheese grow mold but gives us the best of all the unintentional laughs in the film. Michael approaches the demon whom he believes he has vanquished, only to find that (Surprise! Surprise!) the evildoer was only playing possum. The big satanic faker jumps to life, points his finger menacingly, and in full demonic barritone growls, "April fool.... Sucker!". Oh well, guess you had to be there.

This lame attempt at a Witchboard (1986) cash-in manages to fail on just about every level. The dubbing is horrible at best (Michael's love interest, Alex [Hassel], sounds like a tired 900 sex line operator). The sounds effects are LAUGHABLY over done, and as for the make-up F/X? Well, most first graders could probably do scarier work with a new can of Play-Doh and a bottle of Ketchup.

The optical effects are credited to none other than Screaming Mad George(!), but I'm pretty sure you won't find it anywhere on his resume.

By the way, Bischof was also responsible for the unbearably bad theme song "Don't Panic". Just in case you were curious, he sings as well as he acts.

Next time you get that undeniable urge for some south-of-the-border horror and you find yourself considering picking this title up it might be best to take a nice cold shower and shake it off. This one is most probably best suited for so bad it's good enthusiasts.

-Gorzilla

 

 

Pin It